By Bill Starlin

As municipalities across the country scour to find new sources of revenue to balance budgets in the  wake of the present fiscal apocalypse, normal citizens are finding that many of the things we enjoy ( mainly to take our minds off said disaster) are coming under assault.

Initially the cigarette society was the first to fall. Citing public health risk not only to smokers but the innocent bystanders, smoking bans in public places were met with general applause. However it didn’t stop there.  Many states began to apply “sin taxes” so that there was money collected from the sale of cigarettes that were supposedly earmarked for public good related funds. This sounds all well and good until you realize that the state is, in effect pimping nicotine addicts. No harm, no foul right? Stop smoking and you don’t pay a tax, right? Well when you know that they can’t stop (because of course, you as a state, won billions in lawsuit money from big tobacco) you’re taking advantage.  Relatively innocuous on the surface, but what that did was set a precedent.

In this market, nothing is off limits, as we’ve heard considerations for a tax on non-diet soda (sugar being the most irresistible drug anyway), ipod downloads (like people PAY for that stuff) and an assortment of other niceties that take the pain away.

Now it seems, they are coming for…the booty. Gasp! That’s right my friends. New York State is seriously considering a ten dollar pole tax. That’s ten Washingtons, people. For those who don’t make it rain, that’s at least Paradise, Chocolate, and Ecstasy on stage 6. How dreadful.

While it seems like strip clubs, like cigarettes, is a luxury, let’s go deeper.  This is far worse than a sin tax. This is an escapism tax; a release tax. Not to mention 10 bucks a head out of the mouths of Paradise, Chocolate, and Ecstacy’s children. Where will they get their PSP money?  Yes going to the “club”  is not a necessity. But after a hard days’ work, a nagging husband or wife, and a reminder that your 401k is going down the toilet, isn’t a man (or a woman) entitled to smack a little ass?

We are bordering on the draconian in terms of the taxation of our simple pleasures. What’s next? Will they post meters in the bathrooms and charge a masturbation tax? Or put laser scanners on our pillows (during non-peak hours of course) and charge a nap tax? How about hitting up Hostess for the Twinkie tax or charging the children a cupcake tax?  Hey gotta balance that budget! Let’s not forget that being imaginary is no excuse so we’ll hit the tooth fairy up for the teeth tax.  That’s good for at least a dime per tooth.

I understand the need for balanced budgets, but must the people always bear the brunt of fiscal stupidity? How about exercising fiscal restraint and informed policy, and actually auditing the projects and programs that we pay for? Or going all the way, and legalizing drugs  and prostitution and taxing them. We’d be operating at a budget surplus and the police won’t be spending money and man hours trying to look like they are curbing something they have no hope of stopping. And to think, this whole America thing started over a tea tax. Interesting

Good day, and good luck

-Bill